Is anyone there?

Sorry for my absence. I know it has been too long.

Are you all still there? Are you still checking in? Or have you given up on me, or rather given up on this blog. Please, let me know...
I feel like I am standing at the plate waiting to make a swing at the ball but I have the sudden urge to drop the bat and run like hell back to the bleachers...

Should I swing? Or run? I could hit a homer but I could also be enjoying some nice salty popcorn... I really like popcorn.

What are your thoughts? If you are still there...

Internet diagnosis

I don't know if it is because my group of friends and acquaintances have grown so much over the past 10 years (thanks to our frequent moving) or if uncommon diseases and disorders have become more common. Maybe it is both. Or maybe with the increase of awareness and the excellent use of technological resources (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, etc.) we all really do know someone who (or maybe we are suffering ourselves) suffers from a disease(s).

Just as technology has allowed us to connect to one another and become aware of each others' life struggles. It has also permitted us to perform self "Internet" diagnosis' before we visit our primary care doctors.

I don't know about you, but I have typed in my symptoms before. (My latest search said I could have uterine cancer... I freaked out. A little. Okay, a lot. But don't worry. I am fine...)

I think it is great that I can type in my list of symptoms and get unlimited results to the possible causes of my ailments. In most cases, it is pretty awesome.

After all,  the more you know, the more you can control, learn, and grow. The more you know, the more opportunity you have to make the best choices about your life and your health. Being informed allows us to be more cognizant of our reality.

However, like all good things (e.g., coke-a-cola, chocolate, and sweet tea) too much of a good can lead to a bad (e.g. weight gain, headaches, etc). You don't believe me? Google it.

Admittedly, there have been multiple times when I've  found myself consumed with WebMD. Who hasn't?! (Tell me I am not alone... I. am. NOT. alone, right?!)  There have been times that I have worried myself sick over the results of a search (e.g. Uterine cancer) and other times I don't sweat the small stuff and remain calm, collected and confident.

I came across this article from the NY Times recently and I will keep it in my mental data base the next time I search for causes of my ailments.

NY Times: A Prescription for Fear

Okay... now to type in: moody, hungry, tired, and headache...
My results: You need to EAT something! Walk away from the computer. Geesh! ;)

We all have moments...

when we question everything, especially as parents. Specifically, I have been questioning my responses to my son's emotional outbursts. He is an emotional child. I understand that. I realize that many things move him and I am happy that he feels so deeply. But sometimes... Some days... Something has to give. For instance, when he is having fun, typically when a friend is over visiting, and the fun has to come to an end he breaks down into tears.

At first, I related. I felt empathy. I told him that I understood that he is sad and that he should instead tell his friend that he had a great time and would love for him (the friend) to come back another time. But this has been going on for awhile now. My son is a bright boy and CLEARLY I must be encouraging this behavior and therefore I must make some changes.

So today, when he burst into tears I looked at his friend's mother and said, "How do you deal with this?" She quickly supported me. She looked at my son and said, "That behavior is not acceptable!" I have tried using those words before but they didn't have an effect. Today, hearing them from another person, a person that was not mom or dad,  made all the difference in the world. My son stopped crying (THANK YOU!) and looked at me. I told him that was MUCH better behavior and that he knows better ways to deal with his feelings and that if he was going to cry we would not be able to invite his friend back. He then started to cry again... (I should have said less... Damn, I talk too much... I should have allowed the lesson to sink in. Ugh!!) Then, I reminded him that his friend couldn't come back if he was unable to get control. He stopped crying. Then asked (with a little crack in his voice but no tears) if his friend could come back. 

We will see how next week goes, as we have weekly play-dates. I just need to be consistent, prepare him for success, lean on my fellow moms and stop talking so much. 

First Presentation = Success (I think?)

I just presented to my local mom's group about typical language development (0-6) and strategies to use to increase children's language skills.  I almost had to cancel, as I have a pretty terrible infection in my breast and my daughter has a bit of a cold, but I powered through and am a better woman for it...

The meeting was great! I had a ton of fantastic questions from my peer's and I think everyone enjoyed it. It is an honor to be in a room with all the other fantastic women and to see how much they all love and support their children and friends. I have been blessed to be part of the group and will miss them when my family moves.

Ladies, thank you for allowing me to share with you  my passion... and a special thanks to Kaela who chased around my little girl through-out the meeting.

Books have words? Really?!

I have worked with my son's language skills for what seems like his whole life (what a minute-- I really have done it his whole life-- all three years and 11 months.) We read books and talk about the world around us. We discuss how to make things, we describe the steps needed to complete a task, and even create elaborate stories together. But recently I have been reminded how many vocabulary teaching opportunities are present in books...

The funny thing is, that many simple children's books have an abundant amount of new words for us to teach our children. I should know this right? Well, I DO know it! It is just that sometimes I get caught up in reading the story and I just READ the story. I ASSUME that my child knows words that he doesn't. (Assuming is never good. I should know this by now.)

You haven't ever done that?! Well, guess you can stop reading this post then...

Anyway... I have started ASKing (novel idea, huh?) my son if he understands two-three words through-out a story. I could ask him every word, or a word on every page, but if I have learned anything in working with young children it is that if we overload them with questions we lose their interest and attention. And you need a child's attention to teach. So sticking with a few words is best. Besides, it decreases the risk of information overload and increases the likelihood of learning.

At my house we read at least two books a day. Lately our time for reading together has varied. Some days we read at bed time and other days we read at nap time (not that my son naps anymore- I could only be so lucky- but his sister does). Side note: I have also started working out during my daughter's nap and I have found that if I give my son 20 minutes of one-on-one time he will happily play by himself while I have some me time. 

After I lay my daughter down I ask my son if he would like to read. If he is interested he picks out at least two books. When I read the books I make a special attempt to stop through-out the story and discuss the meaning of a few words presented in the story. For instance, just in the past few days we have focused on separate, compact, dual and double. All these words are in the book I Stink by: Kate & Jim McMullan. 

When I pick new words to teach I make it a point to remember them and look for opportunities to demonstrate their meaning in our daily lives. For an example, we have watched the oil separate from water and separated dough in to two halves; given each other doubles high-fives; and compacted the trash before taking is out. Once I hear my son use a new word in a sentence, without being prompted or cued by me, I know he has added the word to his memory bank. Then, I teach new words from a new book.

I hope you enjoy a new story with your child today and remember that YOU can add a new word to your child's vocabulary EVERYDAY. Just read to them (in a teaching manner and not like I had been reading- wink, wink) and discuss the world around you... Remember, the more words that your child has in their lexicon the better ability they have to express their wants, needs, feelings, and interests.

Good luck!

Acronyms That Help Me

According to good 'ole Wikipedia,  "Acronyms and initialisms are abbreviations that are formed using the initial components in a phrase or name." I think you may have already known that but you may not know how acronyms keep me sane and help me parent. 


I'll tell you. I use acronyms daily with my kids. I use them to help me understand what is happening with them and I use them to teach my children (really just my oldest, as my daughter is too young to understand) how to deal with problems and handle emotions. 


How did I start this? Well, it started "pre-children" when I was enrolled in an Early Child Education (ECE) course that focused on children birth-three with special needs. One day in class my professor said something profound. She stated that "all children (really all people) need complete P.I.E.S. to learn and live life to the fullest". So what does PIES stand for? P= physical, I= intellectual, E=emotional, S=spiritual or social. 


Wow! That statement has stuck with me and it has transformed my ability to understand and teach children, especially my own. Heck, while I am at it... It has helped me understand myself and address my own needs more effectively. 

When a child's "pie" is incomplete he/she has difficulty learning, growing, and functioning.

How do you know if a child's P.I.E.S. is missing something? The easy part is knowing the child is missing something (tears and or a tantrum is usually red flag). The hard part, is knowing what it is that he/she is missing. It usually takes some investigating on your part. It may even take some documenting and/or consistent observing but you WILL figure it out. I am sure of it.

Here is how I look at each piece of the "pie".

• Physical- It sounds simple but really it is one of the most complex pieces of the pie... Is she tired, cold, hungry, hot, sick? Does he need to move about?  Is he over or under stimulated (visually, auditory, etc.)? As adults we have learned to adapt to our physical and sensory needs and make adjustments accordingly. We know when sounds need to be eliminated, a walk outside is warranted, and an extra blanket is necessary. Children aren't aware of these things. Not initially. We need to be tuned in for them. We have to look at all modalities (listening/hearing, watching/vision, touching/sensory, doing/body kinesthetic) and teach our children (and students/clients) to adapt appropriately. 

• Intellectual- Is he participating in something too cognitively challenging or not challenging enough? As a speech pathologist I look at the expressive component of this too. Is she able to express what she wants/needs/desires? Does he understand what is being asked of him? Is she able to follow the directions/command? Are the directions too complex? A child's ability should not be understated here. Many times break downs happen because we are asking too much. So, we need to make adjustments in our requests. Maybe Johnny needs you to show him what you want him to do, or maybe you need to modify your choices in vocabulary. Maybe you just gave him too many steps to remember.

• Emotional- Emotions are complex (Boy aren't they ever!) and are closely related to the other pieces of the pie. They are important to recognize and to address as they become part of our personality, temperament, and motivation. When assessing this area you have to ask two part questions. Is he lonely, angry, frustrated, happy, confused, sad, mad, etc-- and why? Your emotions can become a barometer in your life, letting you know when you have had enough or when you need more. I believe that by talking with young children about emotions we can provide them with the tools needed to choose more positive feelings over negative ones. Teaching them that it is their choice is critical.  I believe that learning the skill of choosing to be happy verses sad and optimistic verses pessimistic starts at an early age.  (And we never stop fine tuning this skill.)

• Spiritual/Social- For younger children I look at social verses spiritual; however, you may address your needs to believe in a higher power and be part of a greater purpose. Are her needs of friendship being fulfilled? When was the last time she played with another child? How many peers are in his life and are they compatible friends? What are his play skills? Is he able to take turns and initiate play with peers? How does he deal with conflict during play? Teaching appropriate play skills can be challenging but it is critical in a child's overall development. 

Looking at each piece of your child's "pie" (I hope) will help you better understand, learn, and parent your child. I know that this has absolutely helped me... I hope that by sharing this you will add more tools to your parenting tool box and they will have a positive impact on your life.

Yikes...

Sorry for the absence. We have been busy and out of town. I am working on a few posts now and should have (at least) one up in the next couple days... I really hope to continue posting weekly so don't give up on me just yet.